as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
