He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
