Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
