i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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