well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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