Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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