What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
