nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize