You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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