ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
