apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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