I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is Oprah even human
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
