Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
MIDGETS
????
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
