That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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