I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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