you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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