oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
