I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
