I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
