if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
