so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
