Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
