med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
