guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
50% drunk capacity currently
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
