Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
