Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
