When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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