I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
