can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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