i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize