When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
