I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My feet surprised me
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