The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
