Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
