She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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