I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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