were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
