The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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