The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My cat gives me a boner
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
