I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
