the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't think brook has ever known best
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
