haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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