All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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