And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
