i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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