My balls are so social today.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
