Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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