Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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