I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
