Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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