the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
