Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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