My entire life is one complicated drinking game
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
