I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
