just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
