nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
