how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
