best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
