Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
