had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
