I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
