if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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