i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
