im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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