Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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