I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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