thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
