I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
