hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
