Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
